|
Curious
George
Robertson's Divine Intervention on
Bush
by Sonja Barisic, AP
01/02/04
Norfolk,
Va. (Jan. 2) - Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Friday he
believes God has told him President Bush will be re-elected in a
"blowout" in November.
"I think George Bush is going to win in a walk,"
Robertson said on his "700 Club" program on the Virginia
Beach-based Christian Broadcasting Network, which he founded.
"I really believe I'm hearing from the Lord it's going
to be like a blowout election in 2004. It's shaping up that
way."
Robertson told viewers he spent several days in prayer at
the end of 2003.
"The Lord has just blessed him," Robertson said
of Bush. "I mean, he could make terrible mistakes and comes
out of it. It doesn't make any difference what he does, good or
bad, God picks him up because he's a man of prayer and God's
blessing him."
The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, a frequent Robertson critic and
executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church
and State, said he had a prediction of his own: "Pat
Robertson in 2004 will continue to use his multimillion
broadcasting empire to promote George Bush and other Republican
candidates."
In a reference to Bush's political adviser, Lynn said,
"Maybe Pat got a message from Karl Rove and thought it was
from God."
Comment: This is not a hoax,
ludicrous as it sounds. The White House has copies of the Ten
Commandments in every office in the building next to a large and
distinctly Aryan picture of Jesus.
Two questions asked of all potential White
House employees are: “Are you gay” and “do you believe in
Jesus Christ?” A positive answer to the first and a negative
answer to the second questions results in immediate departure from
the Vatican West.
All this is from a thoroughly bemused White
House clerk who also advises us that at least at one formal
Cabinet meeting, the President became so agitated that he stood
up, pushed back his nice leather chair and began to Talk in
Tongues!
Poor Robertson is suffering from terminal
stupidity so perhaps the compassionate President can appoint him
Ambassador to God.
Subject: FW:
IMMEDIATE ATTENTION NEEDED: HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
URGENT
ASSISTANCE - FROM USA
IMMEDIATE
ATTENTION NEEDED : HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL
FROM:
GEORGE WALKER BUSH
202.456.1414 / 202.456.1111
FAX: 202.456.2461
Dear
Sir / Madam,
I
am GEORGE WALKER BUSH, son of the former president of the United
States of America George Herbert Walker Bush, and currently
serving as President of the United States of America. This letter
might surprise you because we have not met neither in person nor
by correspondence. I came to know of you in my search for a
reliable and reputable person to handle a very confidential
business transaction, which involves the transfer of a huge sum of
money to an account requiring maximum confidence.
I
am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek your
assistance in acquiring oil funds that are presently trapped in
the republic of Iraq. My partners and I solicit your assistance in
completing a transaction begun by my father, who has long been
actively engaged in the extraction of petroleum in the United
States of America, and bravely served his country as director of
the United States Central Intelligence Agency.
In
the decade of the nineteen-eighties, my father, then
vice-president of the United States of America, sought to work
with the good offices of the President of the Republic of Iraq to
regain lost oil revenue sources in the neighboring Islamic
republic of Iran. This unsuccessful venture was soon followed by a
falling-out with his Iraqi partner, who sought to acquire
additional oil revenue sources in the neighboring emirate of
Kuwait, a wholly-owned U.S.-British subsidiary.
My
father re-secured the petroleum assets of Kuwait in 1991 at a cost
of sixty-one billion u.s. dollars ($61,000,000,000). Out of that
cost, thirty-six billion dollars ($36,000,000,000) were supplied
by his partners in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and other Persian
gulf monarchies, and sixteen billion dollars ($16,000,000,000) by
German and Japanese partners. But my father's former Iraqi
business partner remained in control of the republic of Iraq and
its petroleum reserves.
My
family is calling for your urgent assistance in funding the
removal of the President of the Republic of Iraq and acquiring the
petroleum assets of his country, as compensation for the costs of
removing him from power. unfortunately, our partners from 1991 are
not willing to shoulder the burden of this new venture, which in
its upcoming phase may cost the sum of 100 billion to 200 billion
dollars ($100,000,000,000 - $200,000,000,000), both in the initial
acquisition and in long-term management.
Without
the funds from our 1991 partners, we would not be able to acquire
the oil revenue trapped within Iraq. That is why my family and our
colleagues are urgently seeking your gracious assistance. Our
distinguished colleagues in this business transaction include the
sitting vice-president of the United States of America, Richard
Cheney, who is an original partner in the Iraq venture and former
head of the Halliburton oil company, and Condoleeza Rice, whose
professional dedication to the venture was demonstrated in the
naming of a Chevron oil tanker after her.
I
would beseech you to transfer a sum equaling ten to twenty-five
percent (10-25 %) of your yearly income to our account to aid in
this important venture. The internal revenue service of the United
States of America will function as our trusted intermediary. I
propose that you make this transfer before the fifteenth (15th) of
the month of April.
I
know that a transaction of this magnitude would make anyone
apprehensive and worried. But I am assuring you that all will be
well at the end of the day. A bold step taken shall not be
regretted, I assure you. Please do be informed that this business
transaction is 100% legal. If you do not wish to co-operate in
this transaction, please contact our intermediary representatives
to further discuss the matter.
I
pray that you understand our plight. My family and our colleagues
will be forever grateful. Please reply in strict confidence to the
contact numbers below.
Sincerely
with warm regards,
George
Walker Bush
Switchboard:
202.456.1414
Comments: 202.456.1111
Fax: 202.456.2461
Email: president@whitehouse.gov
Report: President Bush Has Lowest IQ of All Presidents of Past 50
Years
by
Marlyn McGuire
Ardeth
Sun Times
January
2, 2004
If late night TV comedy is an indicator, then there
has never been as widespread a perception that a president is not
intellectually qualified for the position he holds as there is
with President GW Bush.
In a report published Monday, the Lovenstein
Institute of Scranton, Pennsylvania, detailed its findings of a
four-month study of the intelligence quotient of President George
W. Bush.
Since 1973, the Lovenstein Institute has published
its research to the education community on each new president,
which includes the famous "IQ" report among others.
According to statements in the report, there have
been twelve presidents over the past 50 years, from F. D.
Roosevelt to G. W. Bush who were all rated based on scholarly
achievements, writings that they alone produced without aid of
staff, their ability to speak with clarity, and several other
psychological factors which were then scored in the Swanson/Crain
system of intelligence ranking.
The study determined the following IQs of each
president as accurate to within five percentage points:
147 Franklin D. Roosevelt (D)
132 Harry Truman (D)
122 Dwight D. Eisenhower (R)
174 John F. Kennedy (D)
126 Lyndon B. Johnson (D)
155 Richard M. Nixon (R)
121 Gerald Ford (R)
175 James E. Carter (D)
105 Ronald Reagan (R)
098 George HW Bush (R)
182 William J. Clinton (D)
091 George W. Bush (R)
The six Republican presidents of the past 50 years
had an average IQ of 115.5, with President Nixon having the
highest IQ, at 155.
President G. W. Bush was rated the lowest of all
the Republicans with an IQ of 91. The six Democrat presidents had
IQs with an average of 156, with President Clinton having the
highest IQ, at 182. President Lyndon B. Johnson was rated the
lowest of all the Democrats with an IQ of 126.
No president other than Carter (D) has released his
actual IQ, 176.
Among comments made concerning the specific testing
of President G. W. Bush, his low ratings were due to his apparent
difficulty to command the English language in public statements,
his limited use of vocabulary (6,500 words for Bush versus an
average of 11,000 words for other presidents), his lack of
scholarly achievements other than a basic MBA, and an absence of
any body of work which could be studied on an intellectual basis.
The complete report documents the methods and procedures used to
arrive at these ratings, including depth of sentence structure and
voice stress confidence analysis.
"All the Presidents prior to George W. Bush
had a least one book under their belt, and most had written
several white papers during their education or early careers. Not
so with President Bush," Dr. Lovenstein said. "He has no
published works or writings, so in many ways that made it more
difficult to arrive at an assessment. We had to rely more heavily
on transcripts of his unscripted public speaking."
The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
think-tank includes high-caliber historians, psychiatrists,
sociologists, scientists in human behavior, and psychologists.
Among their ranks are Dr. Werner R. Lovenstein, world-renowned
sociologist, and Professor Patricia F. Dilliams, a world-respected
psychiatrist.
This study was commissioned on February 13, 2001,
and released on July 9, 2001, to subscribing member universities
and organizations within the education community.
‘My Lump in the
Bed’
01/01/04
The Nation
A bout three months
ago, First Lady Laura Bush, in a speech to the National Book
Festival, told a charming anecdote about her husband. Here, according
to the White House website, is what she had to say:
"We delight in great works of literature and especially in the
works of budding new artists. President Bush is a great leader and
husband -- but I bet you didn't know, he is also quite the poet.
Upon returning home last night from my long trip [to Europe], I
found a lovely poem waiting for me. Normally, I wouldn't share
something so personal, but since we're celebrating great writers,
I can't resist:
Dear Laura,
Roses are red,
violets are blue
oh my lump in the bed,
how I've missed you.
Roses are redder,
bluer am I
seeing you kissed
by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat
they miss you too,
Barney's still mad you dropped him,
he ate your shoe.
The distance my dear
has been such a barrier,
next time you want an adventure,
just land on a carrier.
It was such an awful poem that it actually rang true, and therefore
kinda treacly sweet.
Now it turns out that this was a bizarre falsehood. A lie.
Interviewed on "Meet the Press" over the weekend, Laura
Bush was shown the video clip of her remarks -- in one of those
let-our-hair-down moments the television journalists so love.
Anchor Tim Russert teasingly turned to Mrs. Bush for
comment:
MR. RUSSERT: Now, who could have
written that poem, huh? I mean, what ...
MRS. BUSH: Well, of course, he didn't
really write the poem. But a lot of people really believed that he
did. That evening at the dinner, what some woman from across the
table said: "You just don't know how great it is to have a
husband who would write a poem for you."
Gee, I wonder if some people really believed that George Bush wrote
that silly poem because Laura Bush said: Hey, my husband wrote me
this silly poem, and normally I wouldn't share it because it's so
personal, but I can't resist.
This hardly qualifies as "an outrage." It's more just
weird. Think about it. If George Bush didn't write that poem --
who did?
Did they do some focus group of how a significant percentage of
women around America would find a bit of POTUS doggerel wistful
and sweet? Did the White House's crack political team than assign
some poor junior staffer the miserable job of ghosting it? Did he
start by interviewing Mrs. Bush about pet names and pillow talk
(she confirmed for Russert that her husband has indeed called her
his "lump in the bed")? Is there a file somewhere
labeled SENTIMENTAL SWING-VOTER CHICKS of the early drafts?
Now that you know Bush didn't write it, look at the poem again.
Can't you just hear some crapulous Republican operative in a
rumpled suit croaking instructions? "Make sure you get their
damned mutt Barney into it, those soccer dames love the dogs. But
if there's gonna be a dog, you gotta mention the cat! Everybody
knows that, kid! Put in some vague bedroom imagery -- somethin'
about the bed. Nothing too explicit! And, uh, get in a slap at the
French -- that French-bashing stuff is really going over well.
Something about how they're so prissy, kissin' hands and all
..."
So who wrote George Bush's love poem to Laura Bush?
I suspect we'll just have to add it to all of the other mysteries
-- like who
lied in George Bush's State of the Union speech, and who
had manual-labor-like relations with that doggoned
"Mission Accomplished" banner, and which
jerk at the White House unmasked a CIA agent to punish
her husband, and why
lie to Ground Zero rescue and cleanup workers, and how
the President's brother got all that free sex and money when
visiting Asia…
|
