Sunday, 19 February 2006
Welcome to JesusPets
The End Is *Really* Really Near This Time
Hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes, wars, tsunamis, you name it.

If you're a Christian, you've got a big problem on your hands. After you're swept away to walk the streets of gold with Jesus, red hot lava is going to pour from Mt. St. Helens and right over your dog, leaving his burned body encased for millennia until discovered by godless alien archeologists.

And what do you suppose they'll do to his charred yet supple and hermetically sealed haunches?

They are godless after all. (What would you do? That long space voyage sure can be lonely.)

JesusPets has the solution.

For a modest fee you can live for eternity relatively guilt-free knowing a JesusPets animal lover took care of your dog for the rest of his or her natural life.

What is JesusPets?

Who is going to care for your pets after you are raptured into heaven?

Many Christians believe that animals do not go to heaven. So when Jesus comes back and you return with him to heaven, will there be somebody to take care of your dog or cat?

If you have a non-Christian family member, they might take care of your pet, but if not, have you made any plans?

Imagine being taken to streets of gold while your dog starves to death walking around in his own feces trapped in your small house or apartment, subject to fire and earthquakes or even being eaten by heathens searching for any remaining morsel of food.

Do you want that to happen?

With the imminent collapse of the global economy and rampant godlessness, even the community shelters will not have the resources to care for your poor, hungry animals. So you need to make preparations.  That’s what JesusPets is for.

We are assembling a community of heathen pet-lovers to care for pets that are “left-behind.”

We are coordinating with feed mills and kennels in preparation for your post-apocalyptic pet care needs

Make hard CA$H from home while the world is in flames!

Are you an animal lover; and also an atheist, agnostic, jew, muslim, or other non-Christian?

If so, you might qualify for the JesusPets Partner Program!

JesusPets will pay YOU to take care of dogs, cats, and other pets.

To qualify, you must agree with this statement: The JesusPets Partner Program Statement  cccc

·                     I love animals, and am willing to care for pets after the Christian Rapture.

·                     I am not, and never have been a born-again Christian.

·                     I believe it is immoral to have sex with animals, and have no desire to do so.

·                     I believe it is immoral to consume common domesticated pets (note: this includes goldfish!), and have no desire to do so

If you agree with, then please contact JesusPets to join our international community of JesusPets Partners!

http://www.jesuspets.com/

Comment: Given the generally lunatic postings of the Christian Right, it is very difficult to ascertain if this is an actual service or a hoax. Ed.